Well, I thought I was the writer of the family.

Turns out there is another. We have a special guest here on the blog today. My brother graciously agreed to let me post a story he wrote to steal the storytelling spotlight from me for your enjoyment.

I’ll hand over the (rather dramatic) introduction to him…

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Hello, everyone! I am Jenna’s amazing older brother, Devin. About 3 or 4 years ago, I had an assignment for my english composition course in college where I was required to choose a fable and retell it with my own spin. In the shower, where the world’s problems are solved, inspiration struck me like a bolt of lightning, and then I produced one of the greatest works this side of the days of Shakespeare. Jenna, seeing my work for the literary masterpiece that it was, begged me, yes, begged me, to allow her to post it on her blog. Reluctantly, I have consented to have the contents of this golden manuscript posted on her blog. Unfortunately, this does put a hitch in ongoing discussions regarding a film adaptation of my work, so your patience towards experiencing my work in visual form will be required. Netflix and Disney are literally at each other’s throats right now trying to secure the rights.

Ok. Joking aside, I am not a literary prodigy and even this humble fable spin-off is a freakishly amazing anomaly for my literary level. I was stumped for ideas to use for my college assignment and then this one literally just came to me whilst brainstorming in the shower (at least that part was true). I actually did get 100 percent on it. Jenna, graciously, invited me to share this on her blog and I accepted. I am not a writer, nor do I aspire to be one. So, please take this into account when you make your comments. Please enjoy and thanks for reading!

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Story of the Three Bears: Government Cover Up

Everyone thinks they know the story of the three bears. Goldilocks walks into the house while the Bear family is away. She samples their porridge, sits in their chairs, and sleeps in their beds. This is all well and good for putting kiddies to sleep, but what if there was more to the story? What if, after all these years, we were to find that there is actually a much bigger story behind this time-honored fable? Well I am here to tell you that there is more to it—much more. It has come to light that this fable was invented as a cover-up for a government operation. The government has released the official report on the operation that took place that day, and I am here to share it with you. Keep in mind that names and dates will remain hidden/altered for the safety of those involved.

“Agent Goldenlocks here. This is a report reagarding an operation to obtain evidence on whether or not the recent spike in honey use in the area is attributed to an increase in activity by the Fluffia gang. We do not have any concrete evidence as of yet. At first we thought the cases of honey use in the woods were isolated instances, but more and more cases are coming to light- too many to just ignore. The purpose of my investigation was to obtain the concrete evidence needed to apprehend the ring leaders, and to obtain a distribution list so we can get their local distributors off the streets.”

“The operation began with shadowing the head family of the Fluffia. They spent most of their time at their house, so I figured that investigating the house would be my best bet. The house itself was very unassuming. It was not very large, and was only two stories. I set up a stakeout about half a mile from the house, watching with my binoculars. It took a few days before the house would be completely empty. At about 12:15 on the third day, I saw my chance. It looked as though the entire family was going for an afternoon stroll. It was then that I got my first good look at them all. There was Papa Bear (the head of the Fluffia), Mama Bear (Papa Bear’s wife), and Baby Bear (the eventual successor to the “family business”). Baby Bear was not actually a baby at this point but a young bear of 19, but the name “Baby Bear” has just stuck with him. Once they were down the road and out of sight, I sprung out from under my camo cover and made a break for the house. I knew they were gone but I did not know for how long. I had to make every second count, since another chance might not come for several more days.”

“When I finally made it to the door, I found that it was locked. Luckily, I thought to bring my lock-picking set with me. After finally picking the lock, I got my first look inside. The house was very well furnished, a little too well for the family who owned it considering the fact that Papa Bear was supposedly a carpenter. The first room that caught my eye was the kitchen; for on the table were three bowls of porridge, a common means of administering honey. I took a small sample of each bowl to see if there was any trace of honey in it. Sure enough, the stuff was loaded with it. I quickly obtained a sample of each bowl for the boys back at the lab to test. This was all there was to be found in the kitchen, so I moved on to the rest of the house.”

“The kitchen was connected to the living room, so I checked the living room next. The common method for the storage of honey was to keep them inside little packets. I began a thorough search of the living room, checking any possible place where they could have kept it. I checked on the wall behind picture frames, on the mantle, inside the fireplace, inside and around three different chairs, but my diligent search yielded nothing. After exhausting all my options, I decided to check upstairs, when I tripped over something, and subsequently fell into the smallest chair which was made of wood. That shabby excuse for carpentry collapsed right under me. If Papa Bear was a carpenter, he was by no means a decent one. This was a very bad turn of events for me. Now, when the family gets home, they will without a doubt know that someone has been rummaging through their house. When I looked to see what I tripped on, I observed a lump under the bear-skin rug. Yes, I know. This was added to the charges. When I checked under the rug, I found a whole bundle of honey packets, not enough to be distributing across the woods, but enough for a judge and prosecutor to work with. About ten minutes has passed now, and I did not know how long the Fluffia family would be out. I completed my investigation of the living room, so I made my way upstairs. “

“There were not many rooms to check upstairs with it being such a modest-sized home. The bathroom was small and easy to look over, so I moved on to the bedroom. I figured that if they had a list of distributors on paper, it would be here. I began the search with the three beds. The list was not there, so I began to check everywhere else. As I was checking the final few places, I heard a noise. I cautiously moved to the edge of the door frame to figure out what it was. Sure enough, the family was home. I knew I was pushing it, but I needed that list. It was not enough to just convict the head family. We needed everybody- otherwise, if they heard the head family had been arrested, they would scatter across the forest and go into hiding. I franticly checked the vanity and dresser, all the while hearing the Fluffia family shouting something about their porridge in the kitchen. It was in the last drawer I checked, but I finally got it, the list of all the distributors corrupting our good society. At last, I had all the evidence needed to convict the whole Fluffia gang. By now I could hear them in the living room exclaiming over the broken chair and missing bundle of honey packets. I could not think of what to do next. It was a two-story house, so I could not jump out the window. Out of sheer desperation, I decided to hide under the covers of what looked like Baby Bear’s bed. I could hear them pounding up the stairs as well as I could hear the pounding of my heart. I got my smoke grenade ready, and was prepared to use it. Papa Bear flung the door open and scanned the room. Then, in his deep booming voice he shouted, “Someone has been searching through my bed!” Mama bear soon followed in her more high-pitched squeaky voice, “Someone has been searching through my bed!” Then Baby Bear, in a voice nearly as deep as his Papa’s said, “Someone has been searching through my bed, and they are still there!” Simultaneously, with Papa bear furiously throwing the covers off, I pulled the pin out of my smoke grenade and let them have it. The room was suddenly filled with smoke so thick that I could not see my hand in front of my face. I had the foresight to mark where the door was so I knew which direction to run. I quickly jumped out of the bed and bolted for the door, knocking over what felt like Papa Bear in the process. Once outside the bedroom, I leaped down the stairs, barged open the front door, and made my way back to base, thus successfully completing my mission.”

“Of course, the Fluffia family caught on to what I was up to, and within an hour had left the house. It took the local authorities no more than a day to track them down. The trial did not take long either. The increase in honey-related activities, along with the honey in their porridge, the unexplained bear-skin rug, the bundle of honey packets found under the rug, and the list of honey distributors in the dresser was more than enough to put them away. We were also able to apprehend all of the distributors as well. With this operation, the whole Fluffia gang was brought down, along with their corrupting influence on the woods and its citizens. This concludes my report. Goldenlocks out.”

This was what really happened at the Bear family’s house that day. The well-known fable version of this operation was contrived by the government to make the whole operation look as if it was an innocent and gullible girl walking through their house. The fable was also created to protect agent Goldenlocks and his/her family from unfound gang members and Fluffia sympathizers. I will take this final opportunity to remind the reader that the names and dates of this operation have remained hidden/altered to protect those involved. No more details have been revealed about the case, except that agent Goldenlocks and the citizens of the woods have lived happily ever after.

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Well, what do you think? Honestly, it does feel weird for my brother (a non-writer) to post on my blog. But hey, the story was good and I thought you all would like it. 🙂 Who knows what other classic tales are just government cover ups…

Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope you all have a blessed celebration!

Did you like the story? Do you want to see more stories from my brother? 😛